Infection / Destruction / Hope

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Doomsday

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http://abcnews.go.com/US/bullied-teen-amanda-todds-death-investigation/story?id=17489034#.UId_SIbhctg

Have you seen this?  It's gut-wrenching.  It's an indictment on the grip social media has on us, but also on who we are as a society in general.

I don't condone suicide, and I'm getting quite sick and fucking tired of seeing my friends and friends of friends committing or attempting suicide.  I generally feel that those who do it either don't know who or how many people they're hurting, or they don't care.  And if they're trying to send a message, I wish that message would be to stick around long enough to kick their problems in the ass and INSPIRE others to do the same.  But I can't imagine what this girl must have been going through.

Parents, please.  To anyone here who has young children, you must use your guiding hand to teach your child the difference between right and wrong.  You must use your influence to clear a path to a better world for ALL of us.  That is, for your children AND for those who will have to live with them in the future. 

The world is getting smaller.  We need more heroes to fight the monsters.  We need more people who want to do what is right, not for recognition or pay or status or to conform to what others expect, but because it is the right thing to do.  Teach your kids to be heroes.
alex51

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Reply with quote  #2 
I hear you, Dooms. Taking the time to acknowledged others as human beings with feelings is one of the best things we can do to overcome the psychic damage that our parents and society has programmed into all of us. 



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Doomsday

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Reply with quote  #3 
Alex, do you think it is better to teach your kids to stay out of it, or to actively involve themselves to stop something terrible (i.e. tell an authority figure, document the action for later, support the victim when/if they can, etc.)?  I don't have children so I think of these things from the idealistic standpoint of not having to protect my own.
alex51

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Reply with quote  #4 
Raising kids is the the toughest, most important, and rewarding job anyone can do. The biggest thing is never ever put any kid down even jokingly. What we might think is trivial bullshit can be very serious to kids. Building self esteem and guiding them to solve their own problems can be tricky. 

The very short and incomplete answer would be to get involved if wrong is being done. The trick is to have instilled enough self confidence in your child for them to feel safe in doing so. 

This is the kind of conversation that could go on for days and still never be totally resolved but it is still an important one to have. 
 

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John_Brian_K

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Reply with quote  #5 
I do not have kids yet (been trying with the wife for 3 years) so it is hard for me to say what someone else should do with their own kids, but I hope when I have mine (if they are boys) I will have them trained in self defense and will always tell them to follow their conscience.  I will tell them to ask themselves 'Am I going to regret not doing anything in 5 years?' If the answer is yes then do something about it.  If the answer is no...then the situation is obviously too dangerous and would hope they could sleep after witnessing it.

So many factors to consider:

Is there a gun involved?
What is happening? (someone getting beat up, raped, a burglary)
What is the risk factor?

Etc etc.

I want to try and instill in my kids how I grew up, but I also want to be more involved.  I love my parents and think they did the best they could with what they had, but they were never big teachers or never really got involved with activities.  Never encouraging me to take something on.  I think I would have accomplished so much more if I was encouraged a little.  Now I am not turning this into 'all my problems are my parents and not mine!' FAR from it.  I just wish they would have been a little more involved, but again I do not fault them.  They were raised different and worked very hard to make sure we had a house, clothes, food, good schools etc etc.

I had a lot of freedom as a kid.  I want my kids to have freedom like I did, but I also want to be more involved in their lives.

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JBK
Dec 09, 2009 at 10:18 AM
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"Something my granddad used to tell us. You know Macumba? Voodoo. My granddad was a priest in Trinidad. He used to tell us, "When there's no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth."
JamesMSA

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Reply with quote  #6 
I remember in HS the teachers turned a blind eye to bullying. Now people are going on shooting rampages and now they want to be proactive. I was bullied a lot in HS. Got in a lot of fights. The thing is now a days it's not a one on one brawl. They have to bring their "boys". Also I remember if you got in a fight that was it. Grudge was over. In fact I became friends after I kicked or got my ass kicked. Now people want to cry or get revenge or throw a lawsuit at you.

JBK...Good idea on having your kids trained in SD. However, make sure they learn to only use enough force as needed to stop an attack. The laws are crazy here in VA. You have to be pretty much dead or have proof that you tried every way you could to escape. So gay...

Anyways...you have a good head on your shoulders...sorry I've had a lot of wine. Thank god for spell check

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I'm a beast. That's all there is to say. You can't fade me. I drop noobs and EMP's like your mom's toilet seat so your pops won't know I was there. I'll flashbang/jumpshot/tac-knife your camping ass then tea-bag your twitching body as I call in an airstrike. My kills are sick. Don't even bother watching the kill-cam unless you're a CIA code-breaker and proctologist cause it takes a genius to figure out my s**t. No matter what type of player you are, you don't stand a chance. I'll fade your punk ass then go upstairs and bang your sister
Doomsday

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Reply with quote  #7 
Quote:
Originally Posted by alex51
The biggest thing is never ever put any kid down even jokingly. What we might think is trivial bullshit can be very serious to kids. Building self esteem and guiding them to solve their own problems can be tricky.


Yeah I never realized how serious that can be.  My sister's asshole ex-husband used to "joke" with his kids that mom had found another man and isn't coming home.  When the kids started crying and getting hysterical, and when they wouldn't let their mom go when she got home, you'd think that'd be the end of the joking but he kept doing it.  Now that I think on it, he was a fucking bully.

Quote:
Originally Posted by alex51
The trick is to have instilled enough self confidence in your child for them to feel safe in doing so.
This plus this
Quote:
Originally Posted by John_Brian_K
I hope when I have mine (if they are boys) I will have them trained in self defense and will always tell them to follow their conscience.


Self defense is a good idea.  But these days is TOO MUCH confidence an issue too?  Do you risk making your kid the bully with a lot of good defense training?  Do you risk becoming a helicopter parent when you feed them a steady diet of confidence?  I'd probably struggle a lot with trying to make my kid both humble and brave.

Quote:
Originally Posted by John_Brian_K
So many factors to consider:

Is there a gun involved?
What is happening? (someone getting beat up, raped, a burglary)
What is the risk factor?


Well those are straight up crimes, and I can sympathize with a save-yourself mentality there.  I do subscribe to the idea that common criminals are bullies, but bullies aren't always criminals, or at least criminalized.  That's why I ask and why I think it's such a difficult issue.  Usually it's little more than harassment, and the bullied are often left to fend for themselves.  That could beg retaliation in the form of assault, a much more tangible offense, and could spiral into what James said.
mexican_zombie_hunter

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Reply with quote  #8 
The suicide is sad. but the bandwagon and hype is fucking hilarious. People who get rustled over cyber-bullying have never had broken bones or a warzones.
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Doomsday

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Reply with quote  #9 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mexican_zombie_hunter
The suicide is sad. but the bandwagon and hype is fucking hilarious. People who get rustled over cyber-bullying have never had broken bones or a warzones.


Riiiight, because I never talk about warzones on here, and I've never broken any bones.  This is a narrowly chosen forum topic on a broader message board, so any thread not about the larger horrors of our world should not need an opening disclaimer.

I'm very surprised though that the guy with the Batman avatar doesn't have harder feeling towards bullies.  Your dime store warrior thread is exactly why I chose this board to talk about it.  Really though I just wanted to vent because my girlfriend's friend from highschool had committed suicide.  It wasn't really about Amanda Todd but it got me thinking.

edit: I do however agree that Amanda Todd probably never thought about warzones, and maybe if she had been a little more thankful to not be having grenades thrown at her (assuming she carries the typical amount of gratitude for a teenage girl), she might have relaxed a little more.  But I do know that 12-15 year old girls put a disgusting amount of pressure on themselves and others to fit in.
alex51

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Reply with quote  #10 

MZH, pain and suffering can come in any form. I personally would rather take a physical beating than wrestle with mental difficulties. They can be way worse than recovering from an injury.

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mexican_zombie_hunter

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Reply with quote  #11 


    
     I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself.
A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough
without ever having felt sorry for itself"


 "We are programmed, it seems, to think that our lives are hard, and they are. But only compared to an ideal that never really existed. Things, stuff, money, don’t mitigate suffering (though they can mitigate pain or deprivation, but those aren't the same) , they just focus your imagination on different things to suffer about.

I’m trying not to talk out of both sides of my mouth here. There is real pain: tasers hurt. Old bone breaks and medically installed hardware hurts in your joints when things are cold and humid. You will lose friends that you love. But most of the suffering comes from elsewhere, from an expectation that joints aren’t supposed to hurt or that friends are eternal. That is the difference between grieving and wallowing. Both are about you, but one is honestly about what you lost and the other is about what you thought you had a right to keep. "

- Rory Miller




I used to have self pity til I met rory and realized I was fucking sad for stupid shit. i have running water! running water!

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"What would drive a man to dress like a nocturnal animal and beat up people in parking lots is beyond me."
ZombieHunter

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Reply with quote  #12 
I dig that quote. 
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Godmules

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Reply with quote  #13 
Doom I feel your anger


I have too kids, one teen and one 5 month old, I have taught my teen to fight back and pretty much kick ass. I was bullied when i was young, guess what my dad personnel y walked me to school to beat the shit out of the bully in which i dead never to be fucked with again (grammar school), High school, i only got into one fight, barley bullied all because i stood my ground in the beginning never show weakness,

Want to steal my money " give me a blow job for it, fuck off"


I even defended new students because I know the feeling to being bullied, fuck that suicidal shit. Its a tough situation, but kids need to  stand there ground, and if worst comes to worst their is nothing wrong with asking for help. As for poor Amanda that sucks, should have opened her mouth, it is sad, however she should have fought back. And to the Parent pay attention to your kid, pisses me the fuck off and Fuck the media bunch of fuck'n Ghouls!

I blame the media on everything, fuck'n cock suckers! Also dumb as parents grrrr!

Guns are not the answer, (Sandy incident) this fucker should took the gun an put it in his mouth!
However this whole shit is a fishy situation, thats another story




Stand your Ground!

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Godmules

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Reply with quote  #14 
I have two girls, and teen girls can be cunt bullies. 



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